Christa DeCoursey, an astrophysicist and lover of gladius knives, died suddenly in an automotive accident. She was hit by a red Toyota Camry with a Kappa Alpha Theta sticker on the back while riding her longboard on campus. If you see this vehicle, call 911 immediately for community safety and in respect of Christa.

Christa was born in Haddonfield, New Jersey on December 24^th, 1985 to John and Patti DeCoursey and was almost immediately a disappointment. Christa became a well-respected chain smoker throughout New Jersey by age 17. As she always said, “once you pick up one Red 100, you have to pick up 99 more”. She graduated from the University of Florida in 2021 with Cum Lad in physics and Allotta Cum Lad in astrophysics. Afraid of entering the real-world she decided to continue going to college for seven more years at the prestigious University of Arizona.

On April 29^th, Christa’s lover Pilot was intending to propose to her (but don’t tell anyone because this is a non-publicly disclosed detail in an ongoing vehicular manslaughter investigation). Pilot and Christa’s love was so passionate and real. They actually made a movie series about their relationship titled, 50 Shades of Grey. For the amount of times she got on her knees for Pilot, it is a shame he could never got to get down on his knee for her.

She is survived by her almost-fiancé, Pilot; her ex-boyfriend, Chris; her ex-boyfriend, Oreo; her ex-boyfriend, Matt; her ex-boyfriend, Thomas; her Booch pong partner Bessie; and Debby Ryan, whom she hopes will mourn her appropriately. She is preceded in death by almost every person who ever lived on this planet, including Shakespeare, Gandhi and the comic genius, Helen Keller.

She will greatly miss the taste of Jack Daniel’s in her Diet Coke (JD in the DC).

Funeral services probably won’t be allowed in any reputable house of worship. Mourners and celebrant of Christa’s passing can attend a memorial service at the Tucson Family Funeral Home at 2:00 p.m. on May 6th. Memorial donations may be made in Christa’s name to @Hannah-Youngwirth_1 (Venmo).