Ryan Haymaker, 23, of DuBois, PA passed away on September 11, 2024. Born on April 19, 2001, Ryan was a vile soul who brought death and dismemberment to all who knew him. He was known for his infectious sexually transmitted diseases, fat heart, and closeted homosexuality. Ryan had a passion for ending life and took every life slowly and painfully. He will be remembered for his fondness of gas station cuisine, his unwavering belief in Axis powers, and his genuinely disgusting arsenal of deviant acts. Ryan's presence will be deeply missed by all whom he gave the disservice of knowing him, but most of all by his mouth licking canine companion.

Killed by a drone strike aimed at his duplex, his passing came as a surprise to all of those not in the US Military. All that remained in the wreckage was a malfunctioning home alarm system and several silicone based adult toys. May his spirit live on in the hearts of those he touched, and in those that touched him during his troubled childhood.

Ryan had no family to succeed him, apart from several unborn bastards children in the bellies of underaged foreign women. A service will be held for what remains of his friends in the heart of East Germany, following the air drop of his remains. It will take place Monday, October 1st from 4AM to 8AM EST. Please bring offerings of Hormel Chili and Bud Light.