We are gathered here today to mourn the passing of Toni Richerson, who finally succumbed to her lifelong battle with gravity on June 30, 2024, just a week shy of her 72nd birthday. Toni was born on July 8, 1952, in Clairton, Pennsylvania, where she spent her days dodging potholes and complaining about the weather.

Despite her best efforts, Toni never quite mastered the art of adulting. She spent most of her life avoiding responsibilities, preferring instead to binge-watch Netflix and avoid doing laundry at all costs. Her greatest achievements included perfecting the art of burning microwave popcorn and surviving on a diet consisting solely of frozen pizza and Diet Coke.

Although Toni had no children of her own, she was a beloved aunt to her many nieces and nephews, who will fondly remember her for always having a stash of candy in her purse and a knack for telling embarrassing stories at family gatherings.

In lieu of flowers, please send donations to the local pizza delivery joint in Toni's memory. And remember, if you ever find yourself overwhelmed by the demands of adulthood, just take a cue from Toni and order takeout. She would have wanted it that way.